But this did not mean that any man could presume that he had the liberty to enter into relationships with any Nair women.
Though in both these states, there is no recognition from the government, women engaged in sex work do enjoy partial recognition resulting from the existence of company houses with their supporting paraphernalia of petty thugs and gangsters.
Such women are not so easily dismissed as in Kerala. In Tamil Nadu, they show a certain respect to Malayali women out of desire.
As far as women are considered, I think old times might have been better.
Sambandham relationships, which existed among Nairs, allowed Nair women the freedom to discontinue an existing marital relationship, and to also choose another person if she were so inclined.
Certain spaces in the village were considered their “area”.
We either avoided those spaces or else went as a group if we had to go there. If any woman passed by, they would run after her to grab her breasts. They knew that if they did so, news will go around the village and that would bring them shame and humiliation.Even television serials consider that the best way to depict a female character failing in her life is by showing that she has either lost her “virginity” or has been impregnated.Kerala’s geographical location is best suited to the hypocrisy of Malayali men. There is a phrase in Tulu for this —“”, which means a runaway. If this had happened in Kerala, the conversation would have discontinued the second we had uttered the words “sex worker”.Very minor differences exist between men of different castes, religions or occupations in this matter. Once, I was wearing a skirt that was torn on one side. Evening had started creeping up when the bus began to descend along the Wyanad Ghat road.When I was staying with Rosie in Vavannur, I had seen Muslims in that area treating sex workers with a slightly better sense of equality. Rosie’s friend who was with us at that time became very agitated about this. Nairs, on the other hand, have a “disposable” mentality, “use and throw, that’s enough for her” sort of attitude. While travelling in Delhi, Kolkata and Thailand, I was able to acquire a nuanced understanding of the stinginess and cruelty peculiar to Malayali men. The mist-covered mountains and valley offered a glorious sight.Such differences in attitude can be seen in their approaches to sexual activity as well. At a pinch, this can be done even in the corner of a farm.